you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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