God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
