i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
