I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
