just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize