Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
