Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
