After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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