my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
