I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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