apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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