I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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