Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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