there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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