I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
