If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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