And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
