my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
