If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
