Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize