And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The power of my boobs compel you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have post one night stand depression
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
