There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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