Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
