I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
