the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You need Xanax blowdarts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
