i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
