Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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