i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was born a porn star she said
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
