he wants to bone in the snuggie
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
