There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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