Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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