He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
