Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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