Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize