i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
