That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
