I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
