the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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