i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
