please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
