There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
