We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize