the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
