I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
