you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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