she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
