i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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