I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
