I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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