is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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