Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
