also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
