she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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