I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
