I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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