How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
