Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
