I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
