i was born a porn star she said
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
