Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
