he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
