I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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