my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
