You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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