My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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