I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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