New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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