are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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