Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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