Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
