every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
