People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
