She is in my trunk
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
