i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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