They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
