im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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