Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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